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Washington D.C. – A source close to Michael Jordan has told Nacho News that the greatest player to ever hold a basketball announced his retirement to a passing automobile earlier this morning. Nacho News has spoken with the driver of that vehicle, who confirmed the report.
Shortly afterwards, however, Jordan was seen at the office of the Washington Wizards – the team he once partly owned – telling the janitor that he was coming back. Sources say the janitor gave him a hug, and then handed him a handkerchief, with which Jordan wiped a tear from his eye.
Jordan would neither confirm nor deny his latest retirement, and has not returned calls.