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Montgomery County - Two weeks ago, it was restricting smoking inside the homes of smokers. Last week, Santa Claus was told to stay home during the tree-lighting celebration. This week, it is a war of words with the Virginia Commonwealth.
Two days ago, Lynn Raufaste, the mayor of Kensington, Maryland acquiesced and allowed Santa to appear at a tree-lighting ceremony. Based on reports from those close to the Mayor, it was not a change of heart as much as an attempt to save face. A source who requested anonyminity recollected, “We really got hammered in the news on this. Little children were asking why Santa wasn’t coming this year. She needed to reverse that decision. But she didn’t want to do it.”
But that’s not where the story ends. Apparently confusing the story of an editor responding to a girl named Virginia with the idea that an entire state asked the question, the Kensington mayor yesterday lambasted the State of Virginia. “I can’t believe they believe in Santa. They’re dumb. And they smell bad, too.” The statement was directed at an aide while the two were dining in a local restaurant. But the flippant comment was overheard by a Nancy Kush, a Virginia resident who happened to be in the area after taking the wrong bus, which she thought was headed to Cleveland.
“I was infuriated,” ranted Kush. That was totally uncalled for. I was on the phone to my state representative as fast as you could remember what Herbie the elf wanted to be in Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.” When mister nacho looked at her blankly, she responded, “A dentist, you nitwit!”
Within the hour, an emergency session of Congress was called in Virginia, and a formal draft was made denouncing the rhetoric of Ms. Raufaste. “The Commonwealth of Virginia officially requests an apology from Mayor Raufaste regarding the calling of our citizenry as ‘dumb.’ We furthermore request a recanting of any reference to the body odor of the fine people of Virginia, home of Thomas Jefferson.” Off the record, legislators were not as subtle. “Sticks and stones may break our bones, but names will never hurt us,” said one proud aide. An office worker remarked, “I hate them. They pick on us all the time, and they’re nothing but bullies.”
Mayor Raufaste has not apologized yet, and one aide claimed that there would be no apology. “They are dumb. We will not apologize. Nyah, nyah! And you can quote me.”
Nacho news has learned that the most recent comments from the sister of the brother-in-law of the Governor’s first cousin were “I’d ask them just one question: Maybe you are, but what am I?”
Developing…