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“1950 DA may be the least of our worries” – source
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An unnamed source has come forward and confirmed what many
Americans have suspected. The government
is frantically trying to figure out a way to stop another Asteroid, dubbed
1997-XF11, from reaching earth.
Declared to be a non-issue, this old threat has not gone away.
According to the source, “Don't worry - we'll be long gone
when 1997-XF11 wipes us all out in 2028. Sure, the government scientists claimed
that it wasn't going to come close to us after all - but that was just a
conspiracy to keep the news tight so that people wouldn't panic and there
wouldn't be anarchy.
It's
actually sort of refreshing to not have to plan for my retirement, but other
than that, it's a real downer.”
Calls
to the Pentagon, NASA, and Harpo Productions have gone unanswered. However, Roy Lutz, a butcher at “Frank’s
Pork & Stuff,” thought it made perfect sense. “I remember when they found that meteor, or whatever it is. I bought a bunch of canned foods and loaded
up on batteries. Then it suddenly goes
away? Something smells fishy, and it
ain’t this slab of beef that I’m grinding.”
DEVELOPING...